How I’m Failing Myself and My Family

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This past year seemed to be pure survival mode. Having a baby and a toddler, potty training, sleep training, and tantrums all led to taking each day hour by hour, sometimes even minute by minute. Endless amounts of caffeine couldn’t get me through most of my days, so forget about taking time for myself to relax or workout. By not allowing my husband to take charge because he wouldn’t do things the way I would, I’ve failed myself and my family.

Every day I get up, get a shower, and go to work. I come home with an hour or two to spare and spend time with the kids before bed. The weekends are entirely devoted to my children because I feel so guilty for how little time I have during the week. All this mom guilt only leads to me being rundown and neglecting myself. I shave my legs a handful of times per month, rarely get a manicure or pedicure, a haircut? What’s that? And working out…I can probably give you 12 reasons why I can’t work out. None of them being truly legitimate although they all make sense in my mind. Meals for me don’t exist on the weekends. I’m so busy providing breakfast and lunch for my kids, then cleaning up that in the end I grab something most likely unhealthy, but quick right when I feel my blood sugar plummet.

All of this is entirely my fault. I’m too controlling and uptight. I don’t give my husband or my kids enough credit. I know if I just ask for help it will be there. Instead I just huff and puff around the house, slamming cabinet doors because they can’t read my mind. I’m mentally and physically exhausted and have only myself to blame.

The Kids

My kids are currently 3 and 1.5 years old. By mid-year they’ll be 4 and 2 and capable of helping with so much. They already are able to do many things on their own. Yet I find myself just doing for them because it takes less time and less fighting. This year I will focus on empowering my kids to take on new tasks. They’ll learn they are perfectly capable to do these things and develop a sense of pride in the meantime. (Related: Age Appropriate Chores for Toddlers)

My Husband

Bless his heart. He tries and doesn’t get much credit. If I’m being honest, he gets no credit. One or two days out of the week he stays home with the kids. The things mostly get done and everyone survives to live another day. On the rare occasion we’re all home together, he’ll often retreat to the garage and I’ll assume most of the daily tasks. Sometimes I’m okay with this. The things are done my way, so obviously the right way, but at least one point I’ll get mad because he’s not there to help out. But he’s probably not there because I’ll get mad at the way he’s helping out…failing.myself. Control freak.

Initiating the Change

For my own mental sanity, letting go will have to be little by little. My kids will gain confidence in their growing abilities. All of the things may not get done or may get done in someone else’s way, but that will have to be okay. My family needs me to be the best me and I will take the time to be that person again.